Let's do this.

I guess I've been embarrassed to post. It seems like it might be healthy for me to start writing down my feelings again though. I'm trying to recreate things I was successful with and I guess I count this blog as a success. Anything that keeps me focused and PROUD of weight loss (or even weight loss attempts).

I have gained about 20lbs from my absolute lowest weight (which means about 15 or so from my lowest maintained). A lot has happened in my life! My boyfriend moved in with me. My boyfriend became my fiancee. I traveled to Israel. I started planning a wedding.

The holidays are over. I'm sad about my weight but not motivated enough to do anything about it. The last week was bad. I saw Christine this morning and I think she struggles between trying to motivate me but not trying to bum me out. I think some clients respond to the like "THINK OF WHAT YOUR BUTT WILL LOOK LIKE IN A WEDDING DRESS" but that's not really my thing. The worse I feel about my weight the less likely I am to lose weight.

We talked today about how saying NO to things you want is painful. I find this true. I like being a fun eater. I like cupcakes, and cookies and sweets. I have a hard time saying no, but that brief moment of pain/disappointment will help a lot in the moving forward. So just say it. And it gets easier. And people start responding to it and, once again, you redefine your relationship with food and your friends and then it's a lot easier and you've creative a supportive environment.

I honestly even toyed with Weight Watchers again -- O the siren call of WW! But no -- I know Weight Watchers doesn't work for me. Instead I will go back to myfitnesspal and track my food. I am PAYING for a gym membership so maybe I should consider using it occasionally.

Christine gave me the project of writing down everything I ate and if NOT then at least writing down everything "bad" I ate this week. I will try and write it all down. I will chug tea and eat yogurt and eggs and be happy saying no. Because in the end that will make me happier about how I feel.

I think it's hard to get through the holidays. Christine says the average person gains 3-5lbs in the month of December alone. She feels that I could get down 8lbs quickly and then we'll work to get off the other 10 before the wedding. And then I will be really happy with all of that. Even if I lose 1lb a month I will be a lot closer to where I want to be.

So. Happy New Year. Here's to losing the 20lbs before my wedding. Here's to using my gym membership. And here's to blogging more and tracking more.