Tuesday, May 15, 2012


I know you shouldn't be hungry on a diet.

But let's be real. A large part of dieting is retraining your body to take in what it needs. Whenever you start a diet, you're hungry. You're taking in fewer calories, fewer fats, fewer carbs. Your body is used to consuming more and soon it will figure out that it doesn't need such a vast quantity to survive.

Yesterday I stuck to my diet in a real way. I logged everything. I've been a little lazy about fresh fruits/vegetables but I did choose diet friendly packaged foods: oatmeal, fiberone, luna bars, nugo bars, veggie burgers. I went to bed early. I didn't night eat.


I woke up this morning FAMISHED. I think my body is used to eating at night and when I don't it's like WTF ANNA!! WHERE ARE ALL THE CALORIES?? I WANT THEM NOW KTHNX. Now, recently whenever I have those feelings... I eat. I'll take a spoonful of peanut butter (or two), I'll nibble on some cereal or granola. I'll take a handful of M&Ms.

This morning I said NO. I packed my lunch as usual and walked out of the door. Done. I got to work and made oatmeal (usually I wait until 10) and ate it! If I get hungrier earlier I'll figure it out then, but once again I need to retrain my body to only eat what it needs and to not give in to impulses that are the result of bad choices (night/morning binging).

It was hard to say no. I don't like saying no. I'm kind of a spoiled eater and I know that. Unlike a lot of dieters it doesn't make me feel powerful and mindful... it makes me feel grumpy and hungry. But still, soon I'll have figured it out again. I'll take pride in being able to control my hunger and impulses again. Something I think I've lost a little these past few months. Honestly though, it's hard to get past this hurdle of feeling hungry.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

5lbs 3 weeks

A weekend update. Que raro!

After a particularly whiny session with Christine I'm a little unsure of what to do. I've developed a sort of screw-it attitude about food. I've been maintaining my weight more or less (literally more or less... I'm not up 5lbs or anything).

Christine sort of hurt my feelings today when she said, "We can maintain here... which is really what you've been doing... but I think you'd look better with more weight off."

I find that totally exasperating. I've lost 70lbs. I'm probably the healthiest I've been in a decade and a half. I have a good job, I am getting a good apartment, I have a good boyfriend, I have good friends. There is nothing I feel my weight is holding me back from. I don't think I'm being closed to any opportunities. And yet, she's right. I would look better thinner. I'm not a thin girl. I'm an above-average sized girl. Not a big girl, not husky, not chunky, not fat, not obese.

I am trying to figure out how to get my head back in the game and actually start losing weight again. I'm debating giving it a timeline. I go to Italy June 2. I wonder if I can try and lose 5lbs by then. Don't worry about exercise, just really stick to a diet. Throw away all the chocolate chips in the apartment. No more baking cookies (even if they are low fat) no more pumpkin muffins. Back to strict head-in-the-game-diet. A friend gave me an organic chocolate bar for letting her stay with me and I think maybe that's my chocolate fix for the next two weeks. I can eat it all right now... but better to budget it out. A piece here and there will last the whole while. 5lbs in three weeks may be ambitious especially with memorial day in the middle but let's try. Eye on the prize. 5lbs down would put me at Christine's original goal for me (though she's seemed to have shifted it down a little bit but we haven't really talked number goals yet).

No late night eating. When it's evening and I get munchy I can have a bar. Or FiberOne brownie. Fin.

No more eating roommates food.

No more dessert.

No more bread and oil at restaurants before dinner.

Do not make this even though I have short bread cookies to get rid of: http://thestonesoup.com/blog/2012/04/is-milk-chocolate-better-than-dark-chocolate/

I will try to:

Log my calories every day

Walk to work

Drink a lot of water

Buy fruit and eat that instead of sweets.

Three weeks of diet.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Mindful Bad Eating

I do enjoy eating healthy food.

I also enjoy eating unhealthy food.

This weekend has been an experiment in mindful bad eating. I wanted to eat unhealthy foods but didn't want to gain 5lbs (as can happen in one week!). It was all about subbing M&Ms for dinner, alcohol for snacks. Ultimately the QUANTITY of food I ate was not a whole lot but calorically pretty substantial.

I'm not advocating this.

I'm just trying to explain my relationship with unhealthy foods right now. I don't think this was a particularly good answer as I'm sure I wasn't getting any vague nutritional value. But man, it felt good to eat those foods.

I saw Christine in the morning (rare) and was the same weight as my (afternoon) weight the previous week. She said that that could mean up to a two pound gain but it was hard to say. I'll take my 0lbs up and try and focus on better choices this week.

Tricky business this week:
A baby shower ... are those things slammed with food? I've never been!
I'm hosting a movie screening. This means I'll have some control over what food is there but also means I will have guests bringing food/booze.

Next week will be LOTS of these tricky business situations... but one week at a time, yes?