Sunday, August 21, 2011


So it's been a while since I blogged but I have wonderful news! I am gainfully employed. At one of my most favorite theater companies no less. I'm starting at the bottom of the totem pole, but hey, you have to start somewhere, right? The hours are 9-5 and I'm feeling optimistic about settling into a good routine. My hours are very stable and I get an hour for lunch! Though I haven't quite settled on which lunch places I will frequent yet. Do you guys know 'wichcraft? It's a sandwich shop that is a chain and very near my workplace. I ordered food into my office and the online ordering system didn't show calories or ANYTHING. It was only until after I got my food that I thought to check the website for nutrition info.

I get to the website, and despite my best intentions I had ordered one of the HIGHEST CALORIC ITEMS ON THE MENU. I was shocked. A goat cheese sandwich that was 820 calories!? Really? Really?? Apparently so. So what did I do? Say "screw it!" and eat the whole thing?

NO! I ate half, put the other in my bag, fully intending to throw it away later. But I saw my brother late that night and he was STARVING and I remembered my half-sandwich.

Everybody wins! I have to change my normal time with Christine to the evenings because my new job starts at 9am (unlike my last job which started at 11am...). And as motivated as I like to think I am, there is no freaking chance I'm getting to her by 7:30am. Evening weigh-ins seem a little ambitious, but no other choice at this point. Unless my habits totally change and I'm up at 6... ain't gonna happen.

Here's to week two of being employed and finding good lunch options!


Monday, August 8, 2011


I'm on vacation with my family right now. And yes, my family likes eating (though are not on the most part heavy people). However, being on vacation with my mother is good because she likes to keep very active and I get dragged along. Jogging and snorkeling have been daily activities. I'm surprising myself with my running. I can probably run 15 minutes straight. Yesterday we probably ran 15 minutes and then took a 10 minute break and then ran for another 15 minutes. I know all you 5k-ers out there are probably unimpressed but running 1-2 miles is a BIG deal for me. So... good progress despite falling off the C to 5k bandwagon.

Jen at has a weekly post of her followers sweaty pictures and I thought for kicks, I'd send you mine:
Thumbs up for running!

I'm also sending my daily food eatings to Christine. She's not replying but even the act of just sending them along at least makes me more conscious of what I'm eating. Not difficult to eat well in Hawaii though... fish everywhere. Though who knows what it's cooked with... I know I'm eating bigger dinners than usual but I'm also exercising and eating much smaller lunches. So hopefully it's balancing out!

Thursday, August 4, 2011


Today was not as good food wise. Did alright until I started drinking. As it tends to go, right?

Breakfast: Bar
Lunch: Goat cheese and beet salad with low fat vinaigrette on the side.
Snacks: Two tomatoes with salt/pepper
Dinner (part 1): 1/3 of a Whole Foods salad shaker
Dinner break: Glass of white wine
Dinner (part 2): 1 fish taco, 1/2 Mediterranean platter (hummus, baba ganoush, tabouleh with 1 piece of pita), 1/3 liter of beer.

I'm feeling stuffed though. And over extended. I don't know if I'll be able to post much because I'm going out of town on a vacation from my funemployment but I will try!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Bad Brain!

For the most part, I can take or leave Chinese food. Actually make that American Chinese Food (I grew up in Hong Kong -- I feel like I'm allowed to say that). With two notable exceptions: cold sesame noodles and veggie dumplings. Ollies was on my parents' block when I was growing up and so many times I would sneak out, or stop by and order veggie dumplings and cold sesame noodles. I loved it. I'd sit in a corner by myself and happily scarf it down. Yesterday, after an epic interview, I walked by yet another Ollies. My blood sugar was low, I was a little cranky and I saw Ollies. It was like my vision zoomed in on it. And I thought to myself, "I could go get some cold sesame noodles and veggie dumplings and no one would know!"

No one would know? What? What does people knowing have anything to do with it? Sure I could blog that all I ate was kale and apples, I could cry on Christine's couch and tell her I don't know what I'm doing wrong. But I'd know. In high school, my mother was incredibly unhappy she had an overweight daughter and did everything in her power to try and keep me away from fattening foods. However, as a kid in high school, I had a lot of autonomy, and so would sneak food. Go out with friends and eat whatever I wanted. And just stick it to my mom.

And I think that's part of it. If no one sees me eating the calories, it doesn't count? And also, if I want food, I'll have it. Regardless.

Bad thinking, bad brain. If I consume more calories, I will gain weight, no matter what the food is and no matter who sees me eating it!

I'm doing this for me. It's not about sticking it to mom anymore. It's not about eating whatever I want. It's about being the most healthy and beautiful I can be.

Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast: Pretzel Bar (YUM!)
Lunch: Rice-less veggie tofu sushi
Snack: Tomato with salt/pepper
Dinner: Chicken Stirfry with a small scoop of white rice
Dessert: McDonald's 150 calorie ice cream cone

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Picking myself up

Christine is probably the most important part of my weight loss journey. I have to see her every week, she really truly cares about me (I believe that to my core), and she keeps me honest.

I got on the scale before I went to see her yesterday and it was up even more from my small gain the previous week. And I storm into her office and tell her I won't get on the scale this week. She doesn't protest in the slightest. I've had a very stressful week included HUGE employment disappointments and I moved apartments. I did not have control of my eating at all. I didn't have control of my drinking either. And ALL I wanted to do this week was eat and drink. It was a tear-filled session on my part, and she let me stay in with her for about an hour (usually I'm there for 30-45 mins).

Christine said to put things in perspective and a little bit of weight gain is normal. She said after you've lost as much weight as I have, some people start feeling like they're "done" and don't need to diet anymore because now they're thin. She said I have at least another 10lbs to go as far as she's concerned and we could try for 20 if I wanted. And even her saying that made me feel so much better. I'm not alone in this journey. I have Christine who is such a huge support for me. And I have you all who I feel I can be honest with.

She also said it's incredibly difficult to diet when you don't have a routine and when you don't have a lot of money (both very true for me right now). She said she was surprised I'd been doing so well since I lost my job in June, I've lost about 7lbs. I told her that I feel like I've forgotten how to diet and I'm just falling into old habits that I thought were gone but are actually just in remission. She said I need to impose a routine and just plan out meals and stick to it. We went over the calorie guidelines again (even though they are ingrained in my brain ... just not my actions).

So I went to Whole Foods and bought some of their ready-made lunches and a whole ton of breakfast bars INCLUDING my new favorite one ever: NuGo Dark Chocolate Pretzel. Seriously these things are so good. Especially if you are into salty/sweet things (as I really truly am).

And Christine said if I want I can email her what I'm eating (I'm going out of town next week and so won't be able to see her then) just to have someone to report to. And maybe I'll do that. Or maybe I'll post it here if it's not too boring.

Yesterday I had
Breakfast: Zone Bar
Snack: Tomato with salt/pepper
Lunch: Chicken with rice and beans (1 portion shared with my aunt)
Snack: Pop chips
Dinner: 1/2 order of mussels (with one piece of bread in the sauce) and 1/2 order of a Portobello Mushroom burger with goat cheese
Drinks (this is where I got a little off): 1 1/2 glass of red wine, 1 small glass champagne, 1 Sam Adams Summer beer

We had roommate bonding yesterday since we were all finally at the apartment and so we had a glass of wine to celebrate at first, then all got dinner (with drinks) and then came back to the apartment and had a champagne toast courtesy of one of my roommate's mothers. Special occasion drinking and I will work to not make it a habit.

I also have a pair of old pants that I kept and I put them on yesterday to help me keep perspective and look/feel how far I've come. Which is a really long way. I need to remember that, appreciate that, and just keep going.