Thursday, October 20, 2011

It's not about being hungry

I feel like I'm very rarely hungry.

I don't know if that's normal, but I don't get famished particularly often. But for the past two weeks, all I've wanted to do is eat. And I'll eat and just want more. I think I'm bored with my routine. I'm bored with Clif bars being the answer. I'm bored with peanut butter being the answer. I want to eat chocolate. I want to eat salt.

But I'm not hungry, yet the feeling is totally overwhelming. And my office is not the best place to be when I'm feeling this EMPTY. Because there is food everywhere. And usually it's chocolate. Or at least sweet. Or salty. And since technically I can't leave my desk, my lovely coworkers will tramp down the hall and either ask me if I want anything, or just take it upon their kind selves to make me a plate.

How do I get this feeling to stop?

My answer before used to be to just eat a whole bag of kettle corn 94% fat free popcorn. But I'm bored of that, and it kind of lacks nutritional value.

I feel like I'm searching for a food, and just eating everything in my way and STILL not finding the food that will make this hunger go away. I gained a tiny insignficant amount of weight last week, but I'm worried this week will be more. I'm worried my body is trying to stay at my current weight but will give in and gain soon.

My birthday is next week. My party is Friday. I feel out of sorts and disorganized in my eating. I've been making bad choices. I haven't been berating myself but I also haven't been adjusting behavior.

What is going on?

How do I get focused again?

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