So I gained two pounds.
It's hard to write that. I just want to disappear. Be unaccountable. But I know what I did. I ate copious amounts of food and consumed ridiculous amounts of alcohol. That'll do it.
It's also my birthday week. I was whining to Christine and she said that most people gain 3-5lbs on the week of their birthday. She also said, while she's never thrilled about the foodfest, that most people who deprive themselves of cake or whatever on their birthday, are upset and dwell about it for a while. So the trick is to enjoy the celebration but then leave it and move on.
I woke up this morning and I went to Whole Foods and I bought my breakfast bars. I will go shopping after work so that I can resume making lunch for myself at work. When turkey/cheese sandwiches sound unappealing, I'll get a cup of soup instead.
I know how to do this. I've been doing this. I don't feel deprived and I don't feel lost. I think the truth is I'm bored and I like fun food.
My issue has always been that I LOVE food. I don't usually wrap up emotions or stress or whatever in my eating. It's just that I like it and I like it all. My mom sent me to a psychologist when I was in high school because she felt I was "self destructing" with food. Week after week I spoke to this psychologist and she came to agree that really the issue was I like food and I like going out and having fun (yes, even in high school). That was when my mom decided that psychologists were silly.
I'm not going to beat myself up about 2lbs in one freaking week.
Though it is interesting that for me "celebrating" and "food" go hand in hand. Though this notion is not just for me. Yesterday someone bought me lunch, my roommate gave me pinkberry, a colleague gave me a box of chocolates, my office threw a party with jelly donuts, my other roommate gave me a cupcake, my family bought me dinner.
It's not just me. Celebration = Food. And FUN food at that.
But, whatever, I will not change that. I just have to understand that that's how things go and react accordingly.
My birthday is over. It was a totally magical day. I have never in my life felt so loved as I did yesterday. I'm an old lady now! And it's time to refocus my energies on what's important: my health and my life. So I can have many more happy birthdays.