Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Picking myself up

Christine is probably the most important part of my weight loss journey. I have to see her every week, she really truly cares about me (I believe that to my core), and she keeps me honest.

I got on the scale before I went to see her yesterday and it was up even more from my small gain the previous week. And I storm into her office and tell her I won't get on the scale this week. She doesn't protest in the slightest. I've had a very stressful week included HUGE employment disappointments and I moved apartments. I did not have control of my eating at all. I didn't have control of my drinking either. And ALL I wanted to do this week was eat and drink. It was a tear-filled session on my part, and she let me stay in with her for about an hour (usually I'm there for 30-45 mins).

Christine said to put things in perspective and a little bit of weight gain is normal. She said after you've lost as much weight as I have, some people start feeling like they're "done" and don't need to diet anymore because now they're thin. She said I have at least another 10lbs to go as far as she's concerned and we could try for 20 if I wanted. And even her saying that made me feel so much better. I'm not alone in this journey. I have Christine who is such a huge support for me. And I have you all who I feel I can be honest with.

She also said it's incredibly difficult to diet when you don't have a routine and when you don't have a lot of money (both very true for me right now). She said she was surprised I'd been doing so well since I lost my job in June, I've lost about 7lbs. I told her that I feel like I've forgotten how to diet and I'm just falling into old habits that I thought were gone but are actually just in remission. She said I need to impose a routine and just plan out meals and stick to it. We went over the calorie guidelines again (even though they are ingrained in my brain ... just not my actions).

So I went to Whole Foods and bought some of their ready-made lunches and a whole ton of breakfast bars INCLUDING my new favorite one ever: NuGo Dark Chocolate Pretzel. Seriously these things are so good. Especially if you are into salty/sweet things (as I really truly am).

And Christine said if I want I can email her what I'm eating (I'm going out of town next week and so won't be able to see her then) just to have someone to report to. And maybe I'll do that. Or maybe I'll post it here if it's not too boring.

Yesterday I had
Breakfast: Zone Bar
Snack: Tomato with salt/pepper
Lunch: Chicken with rice and beans (1 portion shared with my aunt)
Snack: Pop chips
Dinner: 1/2 order of mussels (with one piece of bread in the sauce) and 1/2 order of a Portobello Mushroom burger with goat cheese
Drinks (this is where I got a little off): 1 1/2 glass of red wine, 1 small glass champagne, 1 Sam Adams Summer beer

We had roommate bonding yesterday since we were all finally at the apartment and so we had a glass of wine to celebrate at first, then all got dinner (with drinks) and then came back to the apartment and had a champagne toast courtesy of one of my roommate's mothers. Special occasion drinking and I will work to not make it a habit.

I also have a pair of old pants that I kept and I put them on yesterday to help me keep perspective and look/feel how far I've come. Which is a really long way. I need to remember that, appreciate that, and just keep going.

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