For the most part, I can take or leave Chinese food. Actually make that American Chinese Food (I grew up in Hong Kong -- I feel like I'm allowed to say that). With two notable exceptions: cold sesame noodles and veggie dumplings. Ollies was on my parents' block when I was growing up and so many times I would sneak out, or stop by and order veggie dumplings and cold sesame noodles. I loved it. I'd sit in a corner by myself and happily scarf it down. Yesterday, after an epic interview, I walked by yet another Ollies. My blood sugar was low, I was a little cranky and I saw Ollies. It was like my vision zoomed in on it. And I thought to myself, "I could go get some cold sesame noodles and veggie dumplings and no one would know!"
No one would know? What? What does people knowing have anything to do with it? Sure I could blog that all I ate was kale and apples, I could cry on Christine's couch and tell her I don't know what I'm doing wrong. But I'd know. In high school, my mother was incredibly unhappy she had an overweight daughter and did everything in her power to try and keep me away from fattening foods. However, as a kid in high school, I had a lot of autonomy, and so would sneak food. Go out with friends and eat whatever I wanted. And just stick it to my mom.
And I think that's part of it. If no one sees me eating the calories, it doesn't count? And also, if I want food, I'll have it. Regardless.
Bad thinking, bad brain. If I consume more calories, I will gain weight, no matter what the food is and no matter who sees me eating it!
I'm doing this for me. It's not about sticking it to mom anymore. It's not about eating whatever I want. It's about being the most healthy and beautiful I can be.
Yesterday I ate:
Breakfast: Pretzel Bar (YUM!)
Lunch: Rice-less veggie tofu sushi
Snack: Tomato with salt/pepper
Dinner: Chicken Stirfry with a small scoop of white rice
Dessert: McDonald's 150 calorie ice cream cone