Off the Wagon

As of this morning I am up 6lbs from my lowest maintained weight. Considering how difficult it was to lose them it's a little appalling how easy it is to come back.

You know it's bad news when weight loss bloggers disappear. 

I have a lot that I want to blame. 

Stress

Sandy

Medications

Life

Birthday

Boredom

Job

Family

Etc

Etc

Etc

Not fair. The fact is. Once I got off... I wanted to stay off. I missed the foods I'd prided myself on staying away from. Fried foods (REALLY!?) back in the picture. Chocolate (excessively) back in the picture. 

I've prided on myself on turning a healthy leaf and it is all too clear to me how easy it is to flip back.

I think Weight Watchers is not for me. I really can't put my finger on it, but I really really really think it allows too much freedom for me. The bottom line is I need to NOT eat certain foods except in EXTREME moderation. Once I'm "allowed" everything, I flip.

I'm not better yet. I'm not back on the wagon yet.

I did show up to work armed.

Armed with strawberries, a bar, a grapefruit, steamed veggies, and a frozen meal. Disappointed. Yes. Distressed. Yes. Scared that the light that turned off will STAY off. Yes.

What I'm trying to remind myself is when I started this whole shebang ... the light was off. There is a way to force the light on and I've done it before. HOW? I am not sure, but the fact is, I have done it.

Christine says it's hard to force people to get motivated. 

What is my motivation? 

Health is kind of intangible ... and honestly my health hasn't significantly improved with the tens of pounds lost. 

I feel like at this point my weight and happiness are not super tied together. Why I am happy or unhappy is separate from my weight. I think.

Friends? I have friends! They don't judge?

Clothes? Material girl I'm not though I would find it distressing to stop fitting into my clothing.

Does anyone have advice? How do you force yourself away from the fat and onto the wagon?