Inner Fat Girl

I read this little open letter the other day and it got me thinking: http://flintland.blogspot.com/2012/05/hey-fat-girl.html

I think if you didn't know my story and we met on the street, I'd look about average weight. Maybe on the curvier end of average, but I don't think my weight would stand out particularly. My frizzy hair, my big lips, my chipping nail polish are likely more distracting than my size 8 pants and medium shirt. However, whenever I see an overweight woman, I feel as though she is my kindred spirit. Especially if she's exercising or eating a salad -- dressing on the side. But even not.

When I see overweight people trying to change their habits to become healthier, I have a great sense of oneness with them. Me too! Me too! I think. Let's do this together. How about you read my blog? Do you have one? I hate jogging... maybe we can run the reservoir together. We don't need to talk (I can't run and talk at the same time) but we can just BE together. We can do this TOGETHER. 

And then I think if some size 8 chica with a medium shirt was sitting across from me 70lbs ago, I probably would think something like: "Her. I'm not asking to be THIN or SKINNY. I just want to look normal. Like her. Why is it so easy for some people? Why not me?"

That size 8 girl would not be on my team. She would not be in my CLUB. She has it EASY.

But then there's the question of my inner fat girl. Do I lose her? Probably never completely. Probably lessens with time. Do I have it easy? Did I make it easy? It still feels hard sometimes. Is my inner fat girl allowed to be friends with their inner fat girl? Or is my membership revoked? How does this work? Or is the point to GET RID of my inner fat girl. Make her no part of me anymore.

I'm different (am I?)! I've changed (have I?)!