I'm unemployed now! A lot of my veiled emo posts in the past month or so were related to that. But now that I'm actually out of the office, I'm feeling more relieved than anything. I have a little savings cushion. Also you think this would help my diet, but somehow it's not.
Granted, this is only my second week of unemployment, but this past Monday with Christine I actually GAINED weight. It is my first week I've gained weight since I (legit) started this journey back in November. Granted I was dressed for an interview so I was wearing more than some flimsy dress or leggings (like I usually do). But it was still a little depressing. The problem with me (and diets I've been on in the past) is as soon as I stop getting results, I quit. I've definitely come too far to quit, but it definitely merits examining.
I think a large part of my overeating has to do with the total unstructuredness of my days now. Fomerly I'd wake up. Eat something (bar, yogurt, whatever), go to work, get lunch (Juice Generation -- you are my life), finish work, go downtown, grab dinner (salad, sandwich, fish), see a show or friends, go home.
Now my days look like this. I wake up (whenever), go through my fridge consuming whatever looks moderately appealing, apply for jobs, study for driving test, consume whatever looks moderately appealing, eat a bar, contemplate getting a pedicure or for a walk in the park, graze on whatever looks moderately appealing, maybe see a friend, maybe continue grazing.
I am not an obsessive calorie counter. I don't log what I eat by ANY stretch. I like having ballpark calorie ideas of what I'm eating so I can stay within some vague range. But with all this grazing, I'm just munching and eating. Part of this is I want to cut down on my spending on food, so I'm just eating whatever is around and not having any structure or thought about it. Also last week had a bunch of familial obligations, which means lots of food and easily accessible desserts.
This week I'm attempting to regain my focus and not let myself get overly discouraged over a pound. I'm so lucky to have not had an up and down little exchange of weight. For most people it's a constant up and down battle. I did some calculations and I have lost roughly 25% of my former self. I'm literally 3/4 of what I was before. I'm within spitting distance of my goal (25 pounds or so and I'll be exactly where I've always wanted to be).
I also had a nice accomplishment for me this week. As you can probably guess, I have all but given up on my exercise routine that I was trying to build. But my mom suggested she and I go for a run and it was a PERFECT day for it, so I decided to go for it. No Suz, no intervals, just shoes, mom and Riverside Park. And I jogged a mile straight (I think my mom did three but still). I was impressed that I could just keep going the way I did. I don't know the last time I ran a mile. I definitely never ran that far while doing the Cto5k thing. But I got tired and she continued without me. All in all I probably walk/ran 3 some miles that day. Not too shabby considering the sedentary life I've taken to.
I'm going to give you a little list of my goals for right now. Help me stick to them
1) Blog more frequently -- hold myself accountable.
2) Try and have established meals or grazings (but don't make the whole day one big food fest).
3) Buy a bikini and WEAR IT by the end of the summer. My family is taking me to Hawaii in August for my birthday and I'd love to be in a two piece.
4) Don't freak out over 1 pound gain.
5) Don't drink more than 3 drinks in one week.
6) MAYBE ONE super rich REAL dessert in a week. Maybe one. Not more than one. Eye on the prize.
7) Remember you're down 53 pounds. Remember what it took to get you here. Don't cheat yourself from celebrating that.
Also I can't stop listening to "It's Raining Men" and this music video is the most amazing thing in the world. Treat yourself.
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