I'm feeling better.
Since my realization that my non-dieting wasn't working out, I've tried to be more mindful. I've been bringing lunches (lazy lunches ie blueberries, cottage cheese, hard boiled egg -- but still!). I'm trying to cut carbs out of one meal a day (has been lunch so far). I've chosen salads, dressing on the side. I'm feeling good about it. I think maybe it was important for my psyche to relax a little bit. I mean almost 1.5 years of DIETING is exhausting and then when you stop seeing results it starts feeling futile (of course it's not futile... I am much much thinner than I ever thought I'd be). But now it's time to get in gear again, to make smart choices.
That being said, I'm on the search for REALLY quick grab and go lazy summer lunches. My crockpot was great for the summer but it all seems too heavy for the summer. Cottage cheese is great and all but... getting old.
Christine posed a theory to me on Monday. She told me of a client she had who lost a lot of weight with her and then disappeared, stopped returning calls etc. He recently called her (a year or two later) to say that he needed to see her again and had gained all the weight back. She said there's a point with heavy people where they get tired of eating. She asked me if that was my experience and my gut reaction was ... no. I love eating. I could go get a cheeseburger with fries, a milk shake, and a piece of chocolate cake right now and really enjoy eating it. I frequently feel like it would not be so hard for me to slip back into bad habits.
Confession: there was a night not too long ago where my I knew boyfriend was cooking me dinner (he usually fries chicken but he baked it because he knew I was coming over and it was healthier ... aww!). I had to run home to get some things and I stumbled into my kitchen ... suddenly wanting to eat everything in my way. I noticed leftover chinese food ... cold sesame noodles and shrimp dumplings slathered in peanut sauce (omg so good) and I ate it all. Just like that. And then I went to my boyfriend's apartment and had dinner. Why eat the leftovers if I knew I was getting a tasty (and filling) meal? Could this be the action of someone on a diet? Of someone tired of eating? Granted I didn't feel good about it. I told my boyfriend I wasn't feeling that well and so I didn't OVEREAT over there but still.
But I don't mean to dwell. I firmly believe that dwelling is the least constructive thing you can do. The trick is to look forward.
I know I've said this before but it's worth repeating:
Skinny people overeat. Just not all the time.
I think instead of getting tired of eating, I hit a point where I got tired of my weight being an "issue." And at the same time, I had Christine who made it pretty simple to start losing weight. Her initial stance with me was EAT LESS THAN YOU DID. So basically if you went to a company picnic and had three brownies last year and you had two brownies this year... that's progress. Something was very intuitive about what she was teaching me. Eat less. Not eat nothing, not eat raw or vegan or clean or Paleo. Just less. And I started seeing results. There was a run of probably close to a year where I lost weight every single week. I was getting such tangible results. And now here I am. The novelty of skinnier-Anna has worn off. Most people are used to the way I look. I think I've lost under 10lbs in the past year. I'm still waiting to post my 70lbs down picture because it seems like I can't maintain 70lbs down and so that feels dishonest.
But I'm proud of myself for maintaining. I'm proud that I still see Christine. I'm proud that I still try to live my life in a healthy way (even if I do trip up sometimes). I'm proud that my boyfriend knows to bake chicken when I'm coming over. I'm proud that friends constantly ask me for health/nutrition advice.
I'm proud that I've come such a long way.
Sassy stance (and my most popular Facebook photo ever!)
.JPG)