Fitness

Ah, the f-word: fitness. I go through spurts of feeling like EXERCISE WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING. And then I burn out and quit. But right now I'm re-spurting and trying to add a level of accountability. One of my old friends from middle school is a personal trainer/yoga instructor and I've been reading her blog for a while. It felt like her values and mine kind of aligned. She's also young and engaged and living in Harlem.

So we had our first session yesterday. We talked a little about goals and fitness levels and then she had me do two circuits. The first one was 15 squats, 15 standing push ups, 15 5-lb pull ups? I don't know what it's called but basically you squat and pull the weights to your chest and then back again and then 25 jumping jacks -- and repeated that three times.

Then we did an abs circuit (ouch) where we lay on a big ball and pressed up the 5lb weights 15 times, 15 crunches on the ball and 15 things where I lifted one foot at a time and bounced a medicine ball to my left and right while kind of reclining backwards. This was followed by 20 seconds of high knees. Between the circuits we walked (at about 3.5) on the treadmill.

I felt like she didn't want to kill me but did want to push me.

Today I HURT. My abs are sore, my upper thighs are sore, my armpits are sore, my chest is sore.

But I felt good. I did it after all. And having a relationship with someone is motivating. I already have my appointment for next week and my "homework" is to walk 3 miles before then.

So... fitness!

Pulling back

I had a bad night. I was wayyyyy up this morning -- probably due to drinking too much alcohol. You can't actually gain weight as quickly as my scale would have me believe. I'm pulling way back today. Drinking lots of water and I have this baby slow cooking for when I get home. http://www.skinnytaste.com/2013/08/crock-pot-creamy-tomato-soup.html

I scheduled an appointment with a personal trainer -- a girl I knew from my unhappy middle school days. She and I are meeting tomorrow and I'm really excited about it. I probably won't feel that way on Thursday but so it goes.

She wants to meet twice a week and if I can get into that routine I will be broke but foxy, right? I need to start living up to my blog's name!

I'm feeling a little down but I know the appropriate reaction is to pick myself up, learn from mistakes, not punish myself and move forward. I have lost these EXACT pounds in the past so I can do it again. It's not discouraging it's motivating.

Boring Eating

So I met with Christine this morning and she diagnosed me as being a "casual dieter" and compared it to "casual dating" in that I do it when I do it, but then other times I don't. I flirt with dieting... but not all the time. For example, ordering pasta with seafood instead of with meat sauce and justifying it because clams have like ... NO CALORIES!

Alas. I know it doesn't work like that.

She suggested that for the next 10lbs I be a boring eater. To not get creative with my choices but instead have an easy routine of foods that I know are fine. This is beneficial in two ways... it's like ... only healthy food ever and also takes out the uncertainty of eating. I KNOW what I'm allowed to eat and so no guessing and no approximating.

Here is the general outline:

Breakfast
English Muffin Light OR Bagel Thin
WITH
2/3 cup of cottage cheese OR two slices of Jarlsberg lite OR 1 whole egg

Mid Morning
Cabot Cheese Light Square AND 100 Calorie Snack Pack
OR
Chobani 0% Yogurt
OR
2 Fruit

Lunch
BIG Salad with Chicken or Turkey and pretty much whatever veggie toppings I want. Stay away from nuts, avocado and cheese if possible.

Afternoon
Zone Bar
OR
Luna Bar
OR
Chobani Yogurt
OR
2 fruit

Dinner
Chicken OR Fish OR Salmon OR Shrimp
WITH
Vegetables

Dessert
Skinny Cow or WW something

That's it. Boring, right? I'm going to Hawaii in June and I'm thinking I should resolve to stick to this for the next few weeks. I gotta look good in a bathing suit right?

I'm also thinking I might try some at home yoga videos Tuesday and Thursday mornings. 

Missing in Action

So sorry I've been MIA.

Truthfully, I am trying to be less compulsive about my diet. I do remember a point where I felt like I had my groove and I was just living life (and losing weight) and not the other way around. I've decided that if I sit in this range forever... I could be worse off.

I went to Italy and I ate pasta. I tried to be mindful and not overdo anything but also enjoy food, wine, olive oil, company.

Due to Memorial Day and my vacation I haven't seen Christine in almost a month and I think I'm ready to see her once every other week instead of every week.

In terms of food I'm trying to cut down on snacking and to eat "healthy" and not obsess over calories like I have been. Clearly obsessing has gotten me nowhere. I bought some walnuts (GASP!) and am keeping them in my desk at work. If I get hungry I have two or three. I made lentils and rice with a hard boiled egg for lunches. Produce is good. Salads are wonderful.

I feel like if I try and really listen to my body instead of having all these pre-determined snacks, I'll be better off. Emily is coming to NYC for grad school this summer and maybe I can convince her to do some exercise with me. I'm moving soon and will be living right across the street from Central Park and hopefully I can begin to see that as a playground.

I bought a scale right before I left for Italy and I don't seem to have gained weight. Maybe a little. I was having some trouble the week before I left (food-wise) and so I'm pretty sure I'm a little up from when I saw Christine last but I'm not sure.

I've been having some not-feeling-that-great issues and went to my primary care doctor to get some blood taken and he didn't recognize me when I walked into the office. Most people I see on a semi regular basis are used to the way I look right now and so I haven't gotten that reaction in a while. Honestly, it felt good. Better than when EVERYONE was obsessing. Just a little reminder of how far I've come.

I'll try to blog more but I also don't want blogging to get in the way of living. I feel like obsessing doesn't make me lose weight and I was much more successful when I was just embracing life and being mindful. I may turn this into a more life-style type blog with pictures of meals and friends and life a la Balance and Spice.

So. Here's to loving yourself. Here's to good food. Here's to mindfulness.

Feeling Better

Sorry I didn't check in on Monday. I lost 2lbs this week making my March Madness weight loss a sum total of 0. There's only a week left on the challenge but I've learned a lot about myself.

I eat 3 servings of vegetables pretty naturally.
I drink 64oz of water pretty naturally.
I love fruit.
I like checking in with people (not a new realization but still... worth mentioning).
Exercising makes me hungry. It feels good in the moment but I'm not sure I can manage hearty exercise with weightloss right now.
I freaking love sugar and eat more of it than I realize.

Last week I lessened my exercise goal for myself. I said, sure... do it 5 days a week. But have it be intentional walking. No gym clothes packed. Just put on sneakers and march around a little. I walked to work, I walked to bells, I walked and walked. I don't know what I'm burning and I'm sure it's a fraction of what I would've burnt on an elliptical, but I felt better. I also feel like my headspace is improved because not only am I not hungry all the time, but also I'm not as compulsive all the time either. I am feeling a great relief of that anxiety that was bumming me out in my last post.

So I'll add the weights etc after I hit goal weight and am no longer concerned with losing.

I really want to eat sugar all the time. Even if it's just a nibble there... a hershey's kiss there. I love sugar. I've been coming up with desserts that have been satisfying that itch but man. I really didn't understand how much sugar I consumed on a regular basis. Honestly, it's a trap that is probably really easy to fall back into. Awarness is good though. Perhaps a first step?

Another thing I've learned (unrelated to the challenge but still) is that I'm much more inclined to night eat if I eat dinner at home. Why would that be? I think if I go out to a meal it feels really final, but if I'm microwaving an Amy's burrito or something like that. Even if I make a nice sit-down meal... it feels like a cop out. I probably ate out 4 times last week. I was able to make smart restaurant choices with reasonable requests/substitutions. And that feels final. You pay the bill. You go home. You do what you need to do. You go to bed. No eating. But if I'm sitting in my kitchen making food... nibble there... bite there... then after I'm doing dishes and I want some chocolate and nothing is really satisfying and I'm just taking bites of things waiting to settle on that PERFECT THING I WANT. Which part of me knows I won't find in my apartment but part of me doesn't care and just keeps grazing.

How to end this pattern... I'm not sure. But it's good to be aware of when it happens.

I'm learning still. Understanding how to be at this weight is key. Christine was like... hey if you maintain this for the next six months, I'll be happy! Obviously, I'd like to lose still. If that weren't abundantly clear. But fact is that I am doing okay. And I am feeling good about pushing forward.

Oh Carbs!

My head is swimming in carbs. I actually donwloaded an app to help. It's called MyFitnessPal and there's also a really good website it goes along with! If you're on there already, we should connect. It seems to be concerned I have no friends! My screenname is FoxyGazelle.

Here is what I ate yesterday along with my guestimates of the carbs.

Breakfast 17
FiberOne (11)
Emergen C (6)

Snack 41
Banana (27)
PB2 (5)
Mini Babybel light cheese (0)
Celery (4)
PB2 (5)

Lunch 40
Lentils with chicken sausage (40)

Snack 1
Light Mozzarella Cheese Stick (1)

Dinner: 35
Salad with chicken, cheese, hard boiled egg, corn teensy bit of creamy Dijon on the side  (14)
Green beans (6)
Orange (15)

133 carb for the day.

That was a lot of work and it was still just the middle of my range. You will also notice my many servings of vegetables on fruit. March Madness competing! Not letting that up yet. I've been to the gym three times this week (didn't go Monday because I saw Christine... I feel like I should get points for that too!). I am on the prowl for satisfying lower carb snacks. Christine suggested the 100-Calorie snack packs but I sort of feel like those are unsatisfying pockets of air. Do you have anything you like?

I'm sore and hungry from working out (I went to a Total Body Conditioning class on Tuesday that just started hitting me this morning). I'm trying to keep the eating in check though! It hits a certain point in the morning and late afternoon where I just want to eat. I'm trying to make it things like ... lite string cheese. Or a hard boiled egg. Enough to tide the hunger over. Snacking is the name of the game right now.

Week 2 Recap: Counting counting counting

Saw Christine again this morning. Weight stayed the same from last week.

SIGH.

Though considering I had a bachelorette party AND a rehearsal dinner this weekend maybe that should be viewed as a success. However I did, once again, hit the gym 5 times this week.

I was whining to a wonderful, lovely, tolerant friend this morning (you know who you are!!) and she said I should really view weight loss and exercise independently. They both effect your body in different ways and to appreciate the toning/shrinking/strengthening from exercise as a reward separate from weight loss. The two are so intertwined in my head, but I think that's a really wise way of looking at it. I do feel smaller. I feel more toned. I'm not losing weight but can all that really be considered a failure?

I did whine a lot to Christine this morning again and she sat me down and basically said. COUNT CARBS. I feel like in the beginning I was counting calories and then stalled. Then Christine stressed fat. Count fat grams. So I did. Now stalled again and it's time to count carbs.

Never in my whole life have I counted carbs. I did South Beach way back when but that was a more feel-it-out kind of method (or at least how I interpreted it). I don't have a good way to estimate this either. Christine and I went through a "normal" eating day for me and counted out about 185 carb. She said that that amount of carb equals a small weight gain. Add in exercise for the day (you can subtract 25 carb for exercise ... per Christine anyway) and 160 carb is maintenance (hello!). She said in order to lose I need to be eating somewhere in between 125 and 145 carb per day.

So after weeks of her telling me this, I'm going to actually try and COUNT carbs. The issue is I can't even guesstimate (like I can with both fat and calories at this point). The veggie burger I bought is 3 while 8.5 baby carrots are 5? The logic isn't there for me. Though, likely, the more I do it, the more I can figure it out. So... now to do it.

To help myself I'm making a google document with the nutrition info for the foods I eat a lot of. I also downloaded an app that saves your google documents to your phone. SO theoretically I will be able to have this list wherever I am. Smart no? Let me know if you want me to add you to view it. It's pretty short now but theortically will grow as I gain speed and momentum. Most of the nutrition info I've been getting has been from FreshDirect.com. So... thanks guys! Unfortunately a lot of the serving sizes are in grams. Which I don't really understand either. So I'm thinking about acquiring a food scale (sigh) just go get a sense of what this all means.

My wise friend from before said after all of this I will be as good as a nutritionist. I think that's crazy true.

I really hope this is actually the ticket to the last 10lbs. Because if it isn't, I honestly have no idea what I am going to do besides sit here. Christine assures me that this happens to her all the time. She gets many new clients who just cannot for the life of them lose the last 10lbs. She usually puts them on 90 carb diets. I said no way, Jose. 90 carb!? As it is, it seems like this restriction to 145 carb will be cutting my intake. So we'll start with that.

March Madness Weight Loss: +1.5

In the HeightsI

I love In the Heights (for those who don't know it's a musical about living in Washington Heights... and super terrific. Spotify it!). I also love working out to In the Heights. The opening is a great start to a routine. 96,000 is great for the really difficult time-to-push-through-this parts of the fat burn section of the ellpitical. When You're Home is great to jam to. And there are countless others.

A line that keeps reappearing is "No pare! Sigue sigue!"

It translates to: "Don't stop! Keep going, keep going!"

I have the t-shirt. Yes, really.

And in the second week of my March Madness Healthiness Challenge and my 9th day at the gym in two weeks, it was great to hear. I really jammed through my workout today.

Happy Friday!

Week 1 Recap

Well. I saw Christine this morning (keep in mind, I don't usually see her in the morning) and I was up 1.5lbs. Disappointing considering I feel like I've eaten a ton of vegetables and fruits (and not a whole lot else!). Not to mention I went to the gym 5 days this week! I know muscle builds and all of that. And honestly I feel my body composition shifting a little. I feel more compact. I don't feel larger at all. However, Christine thinks it's BS that if you exercise you "gain" muscle mass. Honestly, I kind of agree. Though I whined to her this morning that EVERYTIME I start an exercise routine, I don't lose weight. Which is the appeal of this 8 week thing. I have to commit to it for 8 weeks! NO BACKSIES. One week down. Seven to go. I already have gym clothes in my bag ready to go for after work today (and before rehearsal).

Ideally my body will adjust, figure out what's going on, and drop some poundage. And if not, it's 2 months and I'll reevaluate at the end. I haven't lost significant weight since CHRISTMAS. Christmas. So what's another two months of flailing around?

It does feel bad though. Not getting that reinforcement. Almost like my actions are not being rewarded ... but actually sort of punished. 1.5lbs in the morning is at least 3lbs in the afternoon (when I usually get weighed).

Christine predicts a 3-4lb drop next week. She thinks I might be retaining water due to all the exerise (and added water). I am not so sure considering I ALWAYS drank a lot of water. I'd say MAXIMUM I'm drinking 2 cups more than I usually did. Maximum.

I will keep this up though. I will commit to this 8 weeks. It's also good to be diligent when I have a LOT of unhealthy events coming up (bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, wedding, dinner at my aunts etc etc). I'm also starting to assistant direct a musical in BROOKLYN which goes on from 6-10 on most evenings, meaning I'll come home tired and be automatically up past my bed time, which will also make getting to the gym a little tricky. But I am still going to aim for that 5 days a week. (Even though... let's be real... I almost slacked today. The thought of going from work, to the gym, to rehearsal was WILDLY unappealing to me. And it's going to be worse when I have to wake up early after a late rehearsal to get it done!)

I pulled out the food I brought for 9-5 this morning when I saw her. She was sort of surprised at the amount of food. I will break it down for you.

Breakfast: Oatmeal, grapes
Snack: Baybell light cheese (those wheely ones!) and a cup or so of raw carrots
Lunch: Chicken chili (white beans, corn, chicken, swiss chard)
Snack: Orange and Fiber One

I guess I see how that seems like a lot of food? But really how caloric are we talking. Maybe 200 calories for breakfast, no more than 100 for snack, 300 for the chili, and 150 for the afternoon snack? So, what 750? Want to round up to 800? And I have plenty of room for a respectable dinner!

She started giving me grief about the amount of carbs I'm eating. Saying that it was 2 carb per grape and GASP look at all those carrots AND CHEESE ON TOP OF THAT? That is a LARGE ORANGE.

But... really folks? Let's break it down. Carrots!? Carrots and grapes are the difference here!? How can that be? I feel like I'm not doing anything destructive. I feel like I'm eating like a skinny person!! Do you have thoughts? Is Christine right and I'm totally crazy? Is that WAY TOO MUCH!? I am going to exercise after work but I firmly believe that even that shouldn't make a difference!

Anyway. That's that.

I did make a really delicious dish somewhat adapted from this recipe. I basically chopped up a bunch of Brussel sprouts (not as finely as they did on the blog but I ran out of time!) mushrooms and one link of a fully cooked chicken sausage. I sprayed a pan with Pam, cooked down the sprouts and mushrooms, and then added in the sausage at the end (just to heat through). Add some salt, pepper, red pepper flakes and PRESTO. It was delicious. I think if/when I do this again I'll add some soy sauce too just to get it a little wetter.

March Madness Weight Loss: +1.5

Day 2!

I. Am. In. Pain.

Woooweeeee. I hurt. That stupid full body conditioning!!! Grumble grumble grumble. At least it worked, right? I'm going to aim to make that class every Monday. Today I spent half an hour on the elliptical in the morning. I wasn't sure I was going to make it because I woke up totally paralyzed. Though I limped into workout clothes, hobbled down the steps and made it to the gym. The original plan was to do the stairmaster, however considering the great amount of pain I experienced going DOWN stairs, a half an hour of climbing into oblivion was just not going to happen. So I put on In the Heights, hopped on the elliptical and it actually went by pretty fast. I did whatever their basic fatburn workout was and I made it through. Sweaty but accomplished!

There was a time my sophomore year of college where I went to the gym pretty regularly and I remember sometimes having trouble with the preset, so I was pretty proud of myself for being able to get through it despite my muscles being pretty unhappy.

The walk home was much more difficult than the walk there. Oh well. Tomorrow I am going to go to a yoga class in the morning which I hope will help stretch out my muscles because they are feeling tiiiiight. I'm still undecided on Thursday. I guess it depends on the level of pain I'm feeling. Maybe an easy go on the elliptical again.

Now technically we only get 5 points for 30 minutes of exercise ... but I did walk to and from the gym (16 blocks total) so I kind of want to give myself points for 45 minutes of exercise. Is that acceptable?!

I also didn't realize how difficult it would be to not eat after 9pm. Perhaps the issue is that most of my mindless eating happens at night and so I don't think about eating at night. HOWEVER, I think I usually do. So 9pm hit and I was like... what? I can't have a VitaMuffin??? But I resisted and instead watched The Biggest Loser on nbc.com.

It's kind of nice to be starting my exercise journey and watching The Biggest Loser. If they can go from a sedentary life to going to the gym and working that hard, so can I! I did note that none of them really talk about soreness!! I'm sure they're all DYING of soreness. Where's the mention??

I also think I'm going to look up fruits/vegetables that help with soreness (banana is one right? strawberries?). Two birds with one stone there. I actually realized at like ... 7:45 last night that I had only had one serving of fruit and all I had at home were apples (and I didn't want another one) so I ran out and got strawberries, grapefruit, oranges, a peach and a nectarine. I'm excited to eat all of these!

I sent Christine my food diaries and she said it's the best dieting she's seen from me in a while. Success!

Day 1!

So I'm really excited about my March Madness plan. You can tell because I took a lot of pictures. Now the issue is to really focus on this being an 8-week event! Not two weeks. No burning out. Just strength and sugar free life for a MEASLY 8 weeks. My boyfriend mentioned (over some big ass pancakes... of course) that that means I can have sugar again in May. That was a realization that seemed a little intimidating, honestly. MAY?

8 weeks. No big deal. I can do 8 weeks. And then reevaluate.

I know I was being wishy washy about the gym. Per usual. But I think if I can actually get into a routine and STICK WITH IT for 8 weeks, I might feel better.

Way back when I bought The New Rules of Weightlifting for Women. I am determined to actually read it. There. I put it on my blog, can't take it back. Right? Right???

I found the link for the March Madness plan from one of my friends from lower/middle school (her mom was my girl scout troup leader!). And she invited me to jump on her 8 week challenge starting ... today! So I took it into my own hands to get some people in on it with me. I have two co-workers, my dad, my roommate and one of my best friends all doing this with me. I feel like I'm covered in ever aspect of my life! Lots of partners to keep me honest.

I weighed in with Christine yesterday and I maintained my lowest weight from last week. I was almost a little sad that I didn't gain a little (higher weight ... easier to lose... twisted logic but there you go), but I'm going to use this program to PUSH MYSELF. For 8 weeks.

Basically the program is that you get points for the following behaviors:

• Drink 64 oz of water - Monday-Friday I pretty much do this already. I get bored at work and drink water. Done.
• Eat 3 (1/2 cup) servings of vegetables. This is also not a really challenging one for me. If I eat a salad for a meal. Done!
• Eat 2 (1/2 cup) servings of fruit. I usually have one piece of fruit per day. I'm thinking that I'll substitute out a snack for a piece of fruit to get these points.
• Nothing with added sugar. This is the CONTROVERSIAL category. I'm taking it to mean nothing that isn't DIET (my instant oatmeal is sweetened... but also a healthy choice... and I buy the LOW SUGAR variety so...). I'm interpreting this to be desserts and sugary cereals and those little nibbles that I know I shouldn't take but "It's just ONE bite!" Cut that shit out. (You can only get points for this 6/7 days)
• No eating after 9pm. Only exceptions are fruit, vegetables and water.
• Contact with your partner every day. Considering I have 5 partners I don't anticipate this being an issue whatsoever.
• Go to the gym. You get points for 30 minute workouts and 45 minute workouts. (You can only get points for this 5/7 days.) I plan on going Monday - Friday and take the weekends off. Or use the weekends to make up workouts I missed Monday - Friday.
• Keep a food journal. I already do this. Christine gets to read about every oz of food I put in my mouth. So another non-issue.

You pony up $15 dollars. There are two winners: the person who lost the greatest percentage of weight and the person who racks up the most numbers of points and they end up splitting the final pot. Also if you get at least 80% of your points, you get back $10 dollars. And realistically I think my best shot is to go for those $10 dollars (I think there are somewhere around 35 people participating!). My roommate asked me what my weightloss goal was. I told her 5lbs (which considering it's taken me MONTHS AND MONTHS to lose this last 5lbs I thought that was pretty reasonable. If I could lose 10 I would be the happiest person. But I'm going to shoot for 5lbs.

I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought a ton of veggies for snacks and salads along with some low-sugar oatmeal, tuna and capers. I need to go back and pick up some fruit but my arms were hurting me.

Last night I prepped a salad for myself (I have this awesome 5-cup tupperware that I seriously love and keeps salad frsh so you can make them the night before).

Then this morning I got my butt out of bed at 6:00am to go to a 6:30 Full Body Conditioning class at my gym. It was run by this beefy beefy sadistically funny man who had an affinity for 80s pop music. I really didn't get through all the sets/reps but I worked really hard. I had trouble climbing the stairs to my apartment right after the gym. I can't imagine how I'm going to feel tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm going to do a basic cardio workout on the elliptical. Wednesday I'm going to get to yoga and then we'll see if there is a class I feel up to on Thursday. 8 weeks! Full throttle.

I packed myself a whole lot of healthy looking foods for work today including a spinach salad with celery, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes and some grilled chicken on top. I brought celery with 4tbs of PB2 for snack. An apple for early morning hunger and some FiberOne for post work.

Alice (the girl running the challenge) suggested we take before pictures now. So we can have after pictures later. I never did this while losing weight (I wanted to kep my weight loss on the DL for about the first 40lbs). So I decided it would be fun. I'm also 1lb away from 70lbs down so I (hopefully) will need to update the sidebar pictures soon. But here's me from last night! My before SLASH after pictures.

Starch = Devil?

Okay. I'm annoyed.

First off, I have been doing SO WELL with my exercise plan. I got my butt out of bed both Saturday and Sunday mornings and went to yoga. Saturday I cancelled shopping plans with my mother and instead went for a jog with my roommate. The feeling of running was coming back to me and it's really nice to have someone to go out with. I feel bad because she is A MILLION times fitter/better runner than I am but I think she doesn't mind just getting out. Plus she was running a four mile race on Sunday and so didn't want to burn out. Safe to say that she did not (even though I did!). We even talked about running a 5K together. I've been hemming and hawing about a 5K for a while now. You may remember my stint with Cto5K last summer. Somehow I think it will be easier to motivate with my roommate next to me. She said she'd look up races in May/June. That should be enough time to get SOMETHING done, right?

The yoga class I went to on Saturday was a FREE class (which means it doesn't count towards my Groupon hahaha) so I'm changing my tally system.

I've been to 4/11 classes (see what I did there?). I have rehearsal tonight but am planning on going every night this week. I'm debating adding in another 7am class even though the teacher made me feel personally victimized the last time I went. I also am not sure if two classes in one day would KILL me but I haven't been feeling particularly sore or anything. Though with the math that I'm doing right now, I am thinking I'll only get 9 out of 11 classes in. Which is still worth my 30 dollars. If I add in the two morning classes I could make it. But would I want to?

I was patting myself on the back for all my excellent choices during restaurant week. I thought I survived relatively unscathed. I emailed Christine everything I consumed and she sent me back very positive feedback.

And I gained 1.5lbs this week. WTF?!

It was distressing. 1.5 is not a ton in the great scheme of things. But I cannot for the life of me break this little plateau that I've been on for MONTHS now. Months. I feel like I'm eating like a normal person. I don't think I'm overdoing it. I'm trying my best to eat healthy foods. I eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. I'm making a concentrated effort. And I gain weight. Usually there is a day or two that I can point to and say Oh-- I should have done that better. But there isn't one for this week.

I suggested to Christine that maybe it was all the exercise that did it? And she scoffed. Literally scoffed. I'm not sure yoga is real exercise in the mind of Christine. And one probably-not-even-a-mile run... isn't going to cut it and cause me to gain 1.5 pounds of muscle. Or whatever.

I expressed my total frustration to her. I mean, I look good. I am still slightly overweight. My BMI still has me as overweight. I would like that to not be the case. She said she'd pay close attention to my diaries this week to see what real changes I could make to get the extra weight off. For this week she made a suggestion: cut out starch for one meal.

Her thoughts were that having a bean soup or stew for two meals a day could be the culprit. This I find upsetting. Can a normal person not have lentil soup for two meals a day and not gain weight? I don't think my eating has been excessive. She said my snacks are fine (FiberOne, fruit, cottage cheese, yogurt, bars). But just to eat leaves for one meal a day. Leaves and vegetables with a little protein (chicken, goat cheese, whatever).

I am bothered by this. She said it's because I'm down a weight class. It's time to up the ante. If you're a 300lb girl and you are eating like a 200lb girl... you'll lose weight. So I guess I'm eating to maintain my weight when at any other point in this journey I would've been eating to lose. And now I need to revamp. Whine whine whine whine whine. I don't think anyone would fault me for just sitting at this weight, honestly. But I really truly would like to lose it!

So for this week the name of the game is Protein On Leaves. And we'll take it from there.

Lunch Project: Week 8!

So this week, I decided to make omelette muffins for Jamie. And yes, you already heard about omelette muffins. Though I did spinach and feta again this time, I also decided to add a chicken sausage to half of them. I cut the sausage into rounds and then quartered those. It was a really nice touch and added a little extra protein and texture. Jamie, who is not a big chicken fan, enjoyed the addition too. I'm actually having friends over for brunch (solution to eating well at brunch -- cook it yourself) and I think I'll make these. I may even add some turkey bacon to some of the omelette muffins... because that sounds really good to me.

There was a little mishap and my carton of eggs fell out of my shopping bag! Nine eggs were cracked (not BROKEN... but needed to be used). So I did 1.5 the recipe for the omelette muffins... but then was stuck with three additional eggs that needed to be used RIGHT THEN. I knew merengues were low calorie and so I went to my default... skinnytaste.com to see if she had any suggestions. And I found this recipe. And it looked delicious. I used to HATE coconut (I still can't do Mounds or Almond Joy) but I've definitely come around to it. The only ingredient I had, however, was the eggs. But between the three ladies I live with, I was able to come up with everything. And even smashed the cornflakes myself (oh yeah... yoga strength!). The cookies were soft and delightful and disappeared INCREDIBLY quickly. I did manage to squeeze a couple out to bring to lunch for Jamie.

Jamie made a quinoa loaf. From this recipe. Now, I had never thought of quinoa in loaf form! So glad Jamie stumbled upon the recipe. She cooked a test run over the weekend and then perfected the recipe to bring for lunch today. She subbed in spinach instead of the cilantro. Added some cheese and didn't use the nuts or peppers. She also added curry powder and chilli powder. It was sooooooo tasty. She said the first time she made it she cooked it for too long so she also reduced the cooking time by about 10 minutes. I'd imagine this is dependent on your oven though... just be aware it may be faster than you think! She added a dash of paprika on top too!

I went to yoga yesterday at 7am (pat on the back... had to set my freaking alarm for 5:45). I hated the class, but at least I went, right? I bought a Groupon for a 10-class card at the yoga studio that needs to be used before the 14th!! IS THIS POSSIBLE? Probably not considering I've only used two. But I've put a TON on my google calendar so hopefully I can get a handful of classes in. My boy is out of town for the next couple weeks so maybe I'll be toned with a yoga butt when he gets back (this fantasy is somewhere between improbable and impossible). Tomorrow I'm planning to go to one at 8am and then for a run with the roommate in the afternoon. There's another class on Sunday but it's level 2 and after the class yesterday I'm worried that I'm not quite advanced enough. Maybe I don't care. Usually teachers are good at giving varying degrees of difficulty.

So... 2/10! Let's see if I can GET IT DONE.

Also stay tuned for a post about surviving restaurant week!

Lunch Project: Week 7!/Busy Weekend

I'm terrible! I totally thought I wrote this post but I definitely didn't. Last week was an EXCITING week for the lunch project because I made my first dish on the slow cooker! It was lentil soup and it came out really well. I found a simple simple recipe. I didn't want to get too over ambitious with it. Though really... I could have. The soup came out really well and totally flavorful. Something about just letting them sit and stew there, I guess. I was really happy with the outcome. I have a 3 1/2 quart slow cooker and I probably could have halved the recipe. I'd say I ended up with 7-8 servings. I ate a lot of lentil soup and brought it for Jamie and myself for lunch TWICE.

It also called for a whole chopped onion. I feel like I've mentioned my onion catch-22 before. Here's the deal. I love onions. Pretty much however you want to prepare it, I like me some onions. However. I cannot cut them. Period. I cry. I run away. It's a 30 minute endeavor and it comes out a shoddy mess. The lovely and talented Anika gave me ONION goggles for my birthday. You look like a goon, but they actually work incredibly well. In fact, my eyes only started bothering me AFTER the onion was chopped and I took off the glasses. Which is both funny and miraculous as far as I'm concerned.

So I got that onion chopped!

I found cooking in my crock pot to be both incredibly satisfying and incredibly anticlimactic. I guess I'm used to very hands on cooking and the thought of all that prep and then.... hours... was something new. I chopped things, threw it in the pot, went to bed. Whaaaaat? No stirring?

With all the extra time I had NOT cooking. I took pictures of my slow cooker.

Slow cooker action shot!!

The next morning I just stirred in some kale and balsamic vinager and packed it for lunch. Jamie and I both really really enjoyed it even with the simplicity of all the ingredients. Honestly it tasted like it had more spices/flavor than you would guess considering the recipe. I thank slow cooker goodness for that.

I had extra kale from my slow cooker recipe and decided to make some kale chips. They are delicious and pretty low cal. Combine the kale with a teensy bit of olive oil, balsamic vinager, salt pepper and whatever other seasonings you'd like (I added chilli pepper). Spread on a baking sheet and bake at 300 degrees for about 20-25 minutes until the chips are green and crispy (but not burnt!).

Yummmmmmmy snack. I always have good intentions of making a batch and saving some. But it never (read: NEVER) works out like that.

Jamie made a really delicious southern comfort food. Black eyed peas! I'm going to try and recreate the recipe as far as I understood it.

Ingredients:
Olive Oil
2 cans black eyed peas - do not drain
A couple cloves of garlic
5 slices of turkey bacon
Bunch of kale - chopped and rinsed
Oregano
Paprika

Saute the garlic, put aside. Slice the turkey bacon into bite sized pieces and cook in the same skillet that you cooked the garlic. Towards the end of cooking add the kale and let the flavors combine and the kale to cook down a little. Put the beans in a pot and add oregano and paprika to taste. Add the garlic, kale and turkey bacon and cook until heated through.

Really pretty simple and SUPER delicious. Jamie brought apple sauce for dessert.

This weekend I kept up my exercise kick and went to a yoga class that KILLED ME. It was an open level class (which means all levels -- but it's pretty much catered to higher level yogis, and then if you're not up to it ... you don't do it). And I am SO PROUD OF MYSELF because I did my first handstand! Well my first ASSISTED handstand, but still. I really truly didn't think it was going to happen, but I figured I'd try anyway. Throughout the class the teacher spent a lot of time talking about the wholeness and completeness that is you. Somehow that was very inspiring for me. I also had a really nice woman assisting me in the pose. I didn't have my back quite soft enough when I first tried to do it, and she was able to point that out to me. I didn't quite come out of the pose well (aka I crashed and burned) but I was GLOWING. It was such a nice feeling and I felt strong and accomplished. The teacher came up to me after and said, "You totally didn't think you were going to do that did you? A crash landing isn't ideal, but it's a start!"

My roommate and I also went for a run on Saturday morning. And by run I mean a 10 minute relaxed (for her) jog. We probably spent about half an hour outside walking though.

Unfortunately I'm going to have to skip my yoga class I usually go to tomorrow, but I'm hoping to actually get my butt out of bed and go to the 7am one on Thursday. Fingers crossed, yes? I bought a 10-class groupon card and so I have 9 classes to use before the 14th. Yoga master by Valentine's Day anyone?

I went out with my boy and my roommates on Saturday as well and I really liked my outfit so I took a classy classy mirror shot of myself. I'm two pounds away from 70 down. I'd love to hit that in the next week or two though this week seems like it may be a little complicated eating-wise. A LOT of going out.

I told you it was classy!

Exercise Update

Well, I've made a solid attempt at exercising! Last week I went to yoga twice. Once, I mentioned here and the other was with my brother's girlfriend. She took me to Yoga to the People which is a free yoga studio. We went to the location on St. Mark's but I believe there are others (including one in Seattle or something). Everything they do is donation based and so the classes are jammed packed. We got there early and had a really great time. They whip you through poses, but it all felt really good in my body.

I really think the reason I prefer yoga to any other exercise is the mind/body aspect of it. Just the conciousness of your breath and your movements in yoga is unlike any other exercise I've done. Obviously in every exercise class or workout video or whatever they tell you to breathe, but yoga really flows. Breathing is as much a part of your practice as anything else.

This morning I went back to the class at my gym. Not a great class but really convenient (it gets out 15 minutes before I am supposed to be at work, giving me enough time to run to Starbucks, run to the office, change and start my day). I bought a groupon for a yoga studio by work and it's 10 classes and expires on Feb 14!! Need to get my butt to those classes, but I tend to book my after-work activities and their morning class is at 7am... which is early. (Though I think this may be a situation of suckitupandgoanna.) I think I need to find classes, put them on my Google Calendar (I do everything my GCal says I should!) and have that be the end of it.

Still though, I got on my scale (in the evening ... to be fair) and was WAY up. I whipped out a little food journal I stopped using in October. Christine says that I get lazy at night and just don't count the calories that I eat at that point, so I'm hoping something like this will make me more accountable. I don't really know how that happened, but clearly I need a little bit of a reality check. Complacency, I guess, is not enough. It was a little distressing especially after how hard the last 5 pounds were to lose. To see them back plus some was not ideal. I didn't let Christine weigh me last week for a variety of reasons, but I don't think I get two get-out-of-jail-passes in a row.

Hopefully if I can keep my eating in check this week and continue to exercise, I can get them off (again).

She suggested I cap my alcohol at two drinks a week. We'll see. I'll make the switch (again) to wines and light beers. Sigh. And compensate for alcohol by not drinking. This may be questionable but if you don't eat, you get drunk faster and therefore don't drink as many calories. So if getting inebriated is the goal...

She suggested I seriously consider night eating and cap it at 150 calories. Fine. My favorite evening snack right now is a chocolate VitaMuffin with 2 tablespoons of PB2 and some fat free whipped cream. Sinfully delightful for 150 calories!

PB2 is powdered peanut butter! They take out all the oil and fat and what's left is powder. You add water and it's sort of like peanut butter. It's not quite the same, obviously. And some argue that the healthiest part of the peanut butter is the oil. However, on a low fat diet, it's kind of a detriment. So... it's a solution to my peanut butter problem. And at 45 calories for two tablespoons, it's pretty kick ass low cal alternative. I even made ants on a log today! It was super good. Brought me back to the good old days.

Also I just joined this site called fitocracy.com! (If anyone wants an invite, let me know!) It basically tracks your work outs and gives you points for going to the gym. Variable points depending on what you do. You can level up and everything. They also have forums/groups/whatever and people tend to give a lot of support. Let me know if you join. We should support each other there!

Complacency

So yes. Sorry this is turning more into a food blog than a weight loss blog. I guess I feel like my weight isn't super interesting right now. As of last week, I'm up about 1.5 from my lowest weight because I basically took a vacation from dieting last week. This is not to suggest, by any means, that I "fell off the wagon." I just indulged myself a little more than I usually do. Christine says that she's impressed by how "natural" of an eater I am. And I've been working on that. Eating good wholesome food is appealing to me and by going on a "vacation" I'm not giving that up! Just ... not being obsessive. This is what I'd imagine maintaining to be. Or I guess my ideal of what maintaining is. A small handful of chocolate chips here and there. Some peanut butter. Glass (or two) of wine. These are my indulgences.

Though. Let's be real. I'm not ready to maintain yet. I'm close. But not there yet.

I find it easy to be complacent when I'm happy and when I'm busy. And I'm both of those things right now. I feel like my life is coming together in a good way. I'm feeling optimistic. I'm working on a show outside of my job, which is a relief. I'm dating a boy who I anticipate I will be dating for a while. I have a job at the company I want to stay at. So I'm settled. This HUGE year of change for me is winding down into something I'm happy with.

Yet none of these things is COMPLETE yet. Including my weight loss journey. So how do I get drive to get through this last bought? Christine asked me if I even wanted to. Or if this was where I felt good. I think she'd be okay with me sitting at this weight.

I think I will (once again) try and incorporate exercise. I got up early this morning to go to a yoga class. It's right by work, gets out 15 minutes before work, and was only an hour (so I wasn't getting up at CRACK OF DAWN). I carefully planned and packed my lunch (today is an exchange day -- stay tuned), I had my change of clothes all ready and my workout clothes laid out. And I went! I actually did it. Was 10 minutes early and it felt really nice to be in my body and move it. I am very sedentary these days.

However, because it was at my gym and not a yoga studio, the walls were lined with mirrors. And I couldn't help comparing my body to everyone's around me. This is a habit I anticipate I'll have a hard time breaking. And I still felt bigger. It was sad and disappointing. I guess you have to contextualize who is at a 7:45am yoga class, but still. I felt insecure and disproportioned. And after a LONG time of not feeling that and after a LOT of self-acceptance work. I feel like I took a back step.

But maybe this is a fuel to keep me going? Though I've always known (and I think what separates THIS journey from my THOUSANDS of other weight loss trials) is that change for me cannot (and must not) come from a place of negativity. Also I'm loathe to try and motivate myself for superficial reasons, but the fact is I think I'm pretty healthy right now. I'm sure if you ran all my blood tests and whatever, I'd maybe be a little low on muscle, but a healthy, average 20-something.

So. Lose the negativity? Use the negativity? Break the complacency? Enjoy the complacency? I don't really have it figured out right now. And maybe that's okay. I think I'll just stick to my one goal of exercise. And to try and not do exercises that make me ravenous (a problem in the past). But exercise, enjoy my body. The rest will fall into place!

Onwards and Upwards

So first an update: no news from the boy.

I think in this instance no news is BAD news. But I'm feeling a lot better. Thank you to everyone who reached out to me. I feel very supported and I'm grateful to have you all in my life.

It will be good to take some Anna-time. I figured I saw the boy about twice a week and so now I'm going to do yoga at least twice a week. I bought a Groupon for a studio near my office and ideally it will be awesome and I can just do that for a while. I think getting physically stronger will be good for me both for body and mind. I can't tell you the last time I went to the gym (though I could probably go through old posts and find it!).

I got a manicure and pedicure yesterday and took care of some errands that I needed to get done... it all felt very indulgent yet productive. I signed up for yoga tonight... I feel like in my prime I was rocking level 2, but I signed up for a level 1 class. So, either it will be an appropriate level or I will rock it and know I can move forward. The goal is to not scare myself out of exercising. Let's see if I can actually stick to it for once. I have strong intentions of becoming a yoga goddess.

Also, for all you gym rats out there are there any gym-based programs that you really love? Or routines you follow? Or anything like that? I have a gym membership that I should probably attempt to get some use out of... the treadmill started hurting my hips and knees though and I feel like maybe that's just not the best form for me.

I also noticed something about myself yesterday that I think actually pertains to weightloss quite well. My dermatologist perscribed some face wash for my acne. Now, I have never thought of myself as an acne-ridden person. I guess I've always had pimples but never a distracting amount (to me anyway). But I bought the stuff so I figure I may as well try it out. And now all I can do is obsessively hate my face. Every blemish feels like a failure.

I think this 1) blindness and 2) incredible self criticism is why I had so much trouble losing weight in the first place.

One, I was happily overweight. I really was. Of course I had my body issues... but 65lbs thinner... I still do. Who doesn't? I really didn't have a lot of self loathing problems though. I thought I was cuteand fabulous with my curvy stature. I didn't hate myself.

Two, the second I started trying to lose weight was when the self loathing would start. Every pound of flesh seemed disgusting. I couldn't look at myself in mirrors, I wouldn't gussy up becasue... why bother? I hated pictures. I avoided Facebook.

I'm not sure what changed about this round of weightloss attempts, because clearly this weird two-step delay to self improvement is still there. I haven't beaten that (yet). What are some tools you guys use to get over hurdles like that? How do you beat the cycle of self loathing and instead pat yourself on the back for doing something good for yourself?

Good day!

Yesterday, I decided to get everything done that I needed to get done. It was remarkably fruitful and effective! I even surprised myself. I dropped off some electronics for my parents, picked up my knitting needles (essential), reactivated my gym membership, bought 7/$25 Victoria's Secret underwear, got a manicure/pedicure, tried to get my boots repaired (the place was closed!), went to the gym and cooked dinner.

My gym had upgraded the equipment since I'd been there last. They had this new system set up where you can track your workouts online and set up playlists and everything. It is so freaking cool. I also really impressed myself at the gym yesterday. I've decided that a comfortable jog for me at this place in my fitness is about a 4.5 on the treadmill. A 4 is a fast-walk for me and a 5 is a RUN. So 4.5 feels like a nice jog. I just felt like running and wanted to see how far I could get. I started to get really tired at around 1.5 miles, but I really really wanted to hit 2 miles. And after a lot of mental games, I did. I got off the treadmill feeling like my legs were going to fall off. I'm still sore today. I logged onto that gym thing online and while it recorded the run, it said I burned 8 calories... Now, I can tell you for sure, that's a lie!

Though something I wanted to bring up here! I had a Clif bar before going to the gym so I'd have the energy to get through the workout. A Clif bar is 240 calories and (according to the treadmill) I burned about 208 calories... Is there something wrong with that math? What do you guys think? How do you fuel yourselves for workouts? Did I make my workout moot by having that Clif bar??

I came home, showered, and started on the white bean chicken chili.

It was so delicious. My roommate ended up having to work late so I cooked it all myself and had it ready for when she got home. What a good wifey.

I am the biggest spaz about cutting onions. I don't know if I'm more sensitive to it, but I can hardly be in a room when someone else is cutting one. And due to the fact that I was the only one in the apartment, I had to cut the onion. No one to pawn it off on. Otherwise there would be no onion. And, of course, the onion was the first item to put in! I couldn't even wait for my roommate to get home and toss it in at the end.

So I just did it. I probably ran out of the kitchen every 30 seconds. But after about 20 minutes (hahaha) the onion was chopped. I should have taken a picture. I was very proud of my accomplishment. After prepping all my ingredients to throw in, I started a'cookin.

Here's the recipe again: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/white-bean-and-chicken-chili-recipe/index.html

And here's a picture of the final product:

Chili!

Garnishes!

 

 

 

 

My roommate's cousin also ended up coming over and she got seconds! The cheese on top really adds so much to the dish. By the end we were just spooning Parmesan into our mouths. Classy classy ladies. My roommate works for Origins and so we did face masks after! How beautiful am I? 

Happy Labor Day, everyone! Hope you're all enjoying the long weekend.

Aloha!

I'm on vacation with my family right now. And yes, my family likes eating (though are not on the most part heavy people). However, being on vacation with my mother is good because she likes to keep very active and I get dragged along. Jogging and snorkeling have been daily activities. I'm surprising myself with my running. I can probably run 15 minutes straight. Yesterday we probably ran 15 minutes and then took a 10 minute break and then ran for another 15 minutes. I know all you 5k-ers out there are probably unimpressed but running 1-2 miles is a BIG deal for me. So... good progress despite falling off the C to 5k bandwagon.

Jen at priorfatgirl.com has a weekly post of her followers sweaty pictures and I thought for kicks, I'd send you mine:

Thumbs up for running!

I'm also sending my daily food eatings to Christine. She's not replying but even the act of just sending them along at least makes me more conscious of what I'm eating. Not difficult to eat well in Hawaii though... fish everywhere. Though who knows what it's cooked with... I know I'm eating bigger dinners than usual but I'm also exercising and eating much smaller lunches. So hopefully it's balancing out!

Struggling

I see myself falling into old bad eating habits. This is being reflected on the scale. Obviously.

A pattern I'm seeing: when I have unlimited food around me is when I struggle the most. I have always had issues with listening to hunger/fullness cues. Wednesday night we went out for my aunt's birthday to this Asian/Japanese restaurant and my uncle just ordered a TON of food that we were all meant to share. Except I just wanted to eat it all. And so I did. Towards the end I managed to get myself to back off a bit, but it was a fight.

And EVERYONE was going on and on about how thin I looked and how great I looked. And I wanted to say STOP IT. I'm having a hard time... don't enforce the positive because I think that kind of thinking is what got me lazy in the first place.

I know I mention from time to time about how I follow priorfatgirl.com. Elle, one of the bloggers over there, is stuck at around the same weight I am. I wonder if this is a universally tough weight to get below, and once you break the plateau, you're home free? Probably not. It's probably a fight like this all the way down.

Except, it's not a mystery as to why I'm not losing weight! I don't know if it's fair to sit here and scream PLATEAU PLATEAU, because I'M OVEREATING! That's the simple fact of it. I'm eating more than I should be.

I'm moving to a 4th floor walk up this weekend. If that's not exercise, I don't know what is. I went to the gym (very very briefly) yesterday. Hopefully I can force myself into good habits until it starts feeling easy again.