Sweet Tooth

I managed to lose 1.75lbs last week. So I'm still up a little from my lowest but that's marginal enough for me not to care. This is going to be a tricky food week for me and I haven't really started out the best.

I've realized that my serious downfall is sweets. I always knew I had a sweet tooth and all of that but didn't quite understand the extent. Someone puts a plate of french fries, mac and cheese, chicken fingers or whatever savory fattening delight they can muster and I can totally pass on it. Or try a tiny bit and be satisfied.

Birthday party in the office yesterday? Chocolate cake? Let me eat that WHOLE SLICE. Roommate baking Halloween cupcakes? Two please. And... it's only Tuesday. I'm actually in DC right now for a big benefit dinner for my mom. Dinner? Delicious steak and crab cakes (plus appetizer, plus dessert, of course).

When I first started dieting (about a year ago), I knew I had to cut out certain foods. I had to cleanse and sort of revamp my style of living. I had to be strict about what was going in and out of my mouth.

Though I will say that yesterday was some sort of success for me. I was sort of preparing for a binge. Traveling always makes me want to eat. A lot. And I think the THOUGHT of traveling also starts to gear me up. I woke up ate a cupcake, peanut butter rice cake, got to work and had a breakfast bar and a latte, had a soup and a LARGE half duck and fig sandwich, got back to the office had a HUGE slice of chocolate cake, went to get food for the train (would be traveling through dinner) and bought a tuna salad sandwich. I got to the train station and decided I would want to have TWO dinners (totally reasonable--a WHOPPING 3 hour train ride) and so I bought some (baked) falafel. The train was delayed so I started picking at the falafel. I probably got about halfway through.

But then I stopped and checked in. Anna, you've been putting shit in your body all day. Let's stop for a second.

Are you hungry? ... No.

Is there something you're getting out of this food? ... No?

Well how about you save it until you need it. Like... use it for what it was meant to be used for. ...Ooookay.

So I brought it on the train and just was not hungry. So I have 1/2 a falafel platter and a whole tuna salad sandwich sitting in my fridge now. I'm sure I still managed to go overboard yesterday, but at least I stopped myself. Small victories. And I'm at a point where I need to celebrate all victories.

Christine said she wants me maintaining in 5-10 more pounds. My feeling is I will be stuck around my current weight for a while... which doesn't bother me. I actually feel pretty good in my skin at this point. I'd love to start introducing exercise. I think I need to find a place near work that 1) has a class at 5:30 and 2) has a shower. I see a lot of theater at around 8 and if I could squeeze in an exercise before that, I think that would lead to some great success.

Here's to finding that.