Sorry

Sorry I've been a little absent. Life has been a little crazy this week. A show I was working on opened ( and closed) last weekend. And then there was Valentine's Day...

And on Sunday I weighed in at up 1.5lbs and I was so frustrated. There were other things going on that may account for weight gain but still. I felt like I was working so hard and to gain a POUND AND A HALF. Not maintain. Not .5lbs. But 1.5. Jeez. I really couldn't deal. So this week has been a much more (pardon my French) but FUCK IT attitude. But I'm not eating like I want to lose weight. I'm eating like I want to maintain weight. And for this week that will be fine. I'm going to California this weekend to see my best friend from high school. So that means I won't be seeing Christine this week. I'm not stressed about it but at some point I need to get out of my funk (ironically the solution I've come up with for my funk [not seriously dieting] will not help my cause [losing weight]).

Don't get me wrong. This is not a binge. This is a tablespoon of peanut butter. A mini Reese's cup. Things that vaguely add up to equal maintenance.

But still. I should consider getting it together. I just think I am spoiled to some extent. I feel like if I put in such an extreme amount of effort, I deserve results. And I'm learning more and more that that is not necessarily how bodies work. I understand more how thin(ner) people can complain about their weight. And not being able to lose it. While I definitely have limited sympathy (I guess myself included at this point), it is hard. And much harder when you're smaller... for me anyway.

Fighting off bad habits in the beginning was probably the hardest. Over a year later, I've redefined my whole way of eating/approacing food... and now I need to do it again? I've retrained myself to not eat like a seriously obese person but instead as a mildy overweight one. And now I need to revamp that to eat like a thin one.

I just don't know if that's going to happen this week. Maybe I'll be inspired by all the beautiful fit Califorinans and come back ready to eat like a thin person!