Blast from the Past

This has been a kind of interesting diet week for me! As I mentioned last week, I went to California and really disregarded a lot of my dieting. No ATROCIOUS (for me atrocious means something along the lines of burgers and fries) eating. But it was large portions and though I was mindful when ordering (go for the seafood-tofu etc) I really didn't limit much of anything. No moderation. Moderation being the key thing I've learned this diet around. Moderation being the thing that has allowed me to lose the weight.

And then last week I was getting back into the swing of life. Excuse? Perhaps. I wanted to see my friends, my roommates, my parents. I've been chomping down on a box of chocolate kind of consistently. A piece or two (sometimes three) every day. Mind you they are small, though I'm sure they amount to something. As all those little nibblets do.

I finally did not restock my peanut butter. This is a big step. I ordered two more jars of the PB2. And did not purchase any more delicious, creamy Smart Balance brand peanut butter. Well done, me.

Then late Saturday night (early Sunday morning?). My friend Emily (who I have mentioned here before) posted some pictures from the fall 2008 -- my senior year at college. I was floored. I was a big girl. I don't remember every feeling like I looked that big. Honestly. And it's not a BAD picture. It's even a flattering angle. I'm dressed up because I was the director. I look ... nice. Just BIG. I also happened to get notified that there was a picture of me on Facebook while with my boyfriend (as you may recall he didn't really know that I used to be morbidly obese). Also important to note is this picture is not taken at my largest. I probably gained about 15lbs before I started losing.

So that was the moment. I basically said that he should probably know that I'd lost a lot of weight in the last year/year and a half. He didn't really know what to say and kind of flailed haha. He's not someone who has vaguely struggled with his weight (beyond being unable to keep much weight on himself). But basically... it doesn't change anything. Of course not. He likes me now. But it is a part of me and probably valuable for him to know. So he knows.

I talked about this with Christine and she asked me if it bothered me that there's really not too much of a chance that he'd date me before. I guess it does feel a little bad? My sparkling personality likely would not have been sufficient. Though I do also do not fault people for what they're attracted to. If he were 5'1 would I be dating him now? Possibly? Probably not. So can I fault him for having a preference?

And I lost 4.25lbs. A SHOCKING amount considering California and my general lack of attention to diet. This puts me at my lowest ever and about 5lbs away from Christine's goal for me (and 10lbs away from my goal for me). It felt really good (if oddly unearned?).

I am trying to sort of go back to my protein on leaves thing that I was so discouraged by before. Emily set a goal for herself for March and I'm kind of thinking I'd like to come up with something for me. something I can really focus on for this month. I kind of would rather it be food related than exercise related. (I have not really been exercising but I'm thinking I want to lose 5 more pounds and get into maintenance a little before really trying to add that... I'm not sure that's really the best idea but that's my feeling right now in this moment. I don't really know why.)

Any ideas for good habit-changing, healthy-eating, happy-inducing resolutions for March? March Madness!