Sunday Thoughts

So yesterday I went to the trainer. He was super cute. He kind of looked like a muscular, slightly older Aaron Tveit. I think there's something to finding your trainer attractive. I'm less likely to bitch and moan if I want to seem like a strong, fierce, workout beast. Strength is something I've been focusing on for a few weeks now, and he kept trying to pump me up in this really unproductive way. He'd say things like "We all have to start somewhere!" And I think was basically implying that I was at the bottom of strength. Meanwhile, I was feeling strong and much stronger than I had been, so his cheers were borderline offensive. But beyond that, I really did enjoy him. He wrote down all the workouts we did so I could do them on my own. I'm thinking about buying a training package but they're kind of expensive... I might follow his advice and see how I do with the workouts on my own. And if that doesn't go well, I'll buy the package.

I think for me there's something really good about having one-on-one time with someone who knows where your at and knows how to hold you accountable. That's why I think Christine has been so valuable to me. It's just her and me, and she knows if I gain or if I lose, and we have a solid 30-45 minutes to talk about it every week.

I do feel a little envious of Emily and the awesome community she's found in Weight Watchers. I always felt lost in Weight Watchers meetings. I think NYC is so big and there are so many weight obsessed people here, that there is hardly any stability in meetings. The opportunity to really get to know people (besides your meeting leader) is a little impossible. I don't have a lot of overweight friends, and so sometimes feel a little alone in all this. That's why reading PriorFatGirl is so helpful. Currently they have three women blogging: one who is at maintenance, one who is in the middle of her journey, and one who is just starting. I relate much more to the girl who is just starting her journey even though I'm close to the middle of mine. She's also doing Cto5k (though she's farther along than I am!), and I think it's fun to share that with this totally random woman I have never and probably will never meet.

All in all, I'm feeling a little down about all this lately, but for reasons I can't quite put my finger on. I feel like I've come so far, but I have so far to go and that's both disappointing and overwhelming. I'm on my way, though! I've lost more weight than I ever have on a diet before (on my previous diet I lost about 37lbs... though I'm still not at the lowest weight I was then... but close!). And just have to remember to keep chugging through even though the road seems so endless.

 In other news, my knee is feeling better, though I think I'll keep off of it this week and pick up with some more Cto5k next week.